OTAS, you found it

Breaking up is hard to do, or so the saying goes. But in a city like New York there are professionals in even that. As you may have guessed, I’ve recently stopping seeing someone over the weekend. I would spend some time lamenting the loss, but the more interesting thing – at least for you – is the art of the break up conversation. The delivery of the news of his decision was done with such deft diplomacy that it, at least at first, made wonder if we were broken up at all. The whole conversation went something like this.

Part I: Small talk
Him –I’m going to see a show tonight with friends. I had a great day. (etc. etc.)
Me – Yea, I’m on my way into the city now (etc., etc., etc.)

Part II: You’re wonderful
Him – I feel really bad about yesterday (we got into an argument) and have to say it was just an awful day. You see, the rest of the time we spend together had been so perfect and I’ve been on cloud nine-- but yesterday was a shocker.
Me (naively) – Yea yesterday did suck, I guess we shouldn’t talk politics – obviously hit a raw nerve.
Him – We’ve had such great times and yesterday was pretty bad. I just want to thank you for those three weeks we did have that were great. [Very smooth, right? What a transition!]

Part IV: “Rationale.”
Me (not so naively) – What are you saying?
Him – I just don’t think this is going to work in the long-run. We’re just bad together. Yesterday was pretty bad. I was awful. We were just boring together. Etc., etc., etc.
Me [devistated]– Uh. Er. Yea, we are bad together. OK. [At this point I’ve been talked out of the relationship and find myself agreeing.]

Part V: “You deserve better”
Him – you need someone who’s going to treat you better. You are a wonderful person and a great, great, guy.
[At this point I just want to get off the phone, but then there is the final nail in the coffin.]

Part VI: Let’s be friends
Him – I really want to know you. I hope we can still keep in touch, hang out and, well, know each other.

So there you have it. The perfectly executed break-up. Sure, I bought it hook, line, and sinker. It’s been a while since I’ve been officially dumped, and I have to say he gets points for actually having the conversation. . . I think, at least in NY, if it’s been under one month you can just stop returning calls to signal disinterest. (But I’ll have to check with Emily Post on that one.)

Am I upset? Sure. But more at myself than anyone else. For some reason my relationships are like recent Space Shuttle landings -- trapped by gravity, heat shields fail, and then burn up in the atmosphere before landing -- and I have to stop that.