Tuesday, July 29, 2008
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Unlike other times where my excuses have been living in the fast lane in New York City, going to fine cultural institutions and restaurants, or fleeting romances that have left me devastated and unable to write, this time I’m going to tell you the truth. A little background. . .
In my boss I have found a new species of life, the Cuntasorous Rex. Though warm-blooded, she hasn’t an iota of the kindness or compassion that is common among mammals. It is even rumored her children were hatched from eggs. She is highly territorial and firmly believes in submission to leaders, hierarchy, and bullies people for no other reason that that she is able to. What was once thought to be a laugh – a high-pitched, nervous, hheheheheheehehe – I have discovered to be a desperate mating call to her species, for she is sex-deprived. Though having the cerebral cortex, her body has severed its links to it and is now a limp, useless organ like a spleen or appendix; her entire consciousness is controlled by the id, the most primitive part of the brain.
Many of my friends who have had the misfortune of seeing the angry side of me – it comes out every once in a while after gracefully tolerating, well, bull shit (among other such things) for long periods of time. Recently, a galactic, solar flare-up has occurred and I am trying to get out of this dreadful situation. So dreadful that every morning when I wake up and get on the bus to work, I hope it does not drop me off.
In my boss I have found a new species of life, the Cuntasorous Rex. Though warm-blooded, she hasn’t an iota of the kindness or compassion that is common among mammals. It is even rumored her children were hatched from eggs. She is highly territorial and firmly believes in submission to leaders, hierarchy, and bullies people for no other reason that that she is able to. What was once thought to be a laugh – a high-pitched, nervous, hheheheheheehehe – I have discovered to be a desperate mating call to her species, for she is sex-deprived. Though having the cerebral cortex, her body has severed its links to it and is now a limp, useless organ like a spleen or appendix; her entire consciousness is controlled by the id, the most primitive part of the brain.
Many of my friends who have had the misfortune of seeing the angry side of me – it comes out every once in a while after gracefully tolerating, well, bull shit (among other such things) for long periods of time. Recently, a galactic, solar flare-up has occurred and I am trying to get out of this dreadful situation. So dreadful that every morning when I wake up and get on the bus to work, I hope it does not drop me off.
