Friday, June 24, 2005
To say that the last few days have been intriguing would be a gross understatement. After a week of having the insane house guest and testing for a terrible disease, how could things could get more dramatic?
Just asking that question seems to have temped fate.
Sunday was Father’s Day and I spent a rather painful afternoon with my aunt and grandparents. Once I was out of my family obligations, I was glad to be able to go back (alone) to my peaceful apartment.
Out of the blue I got a call from my second cousin. She initially engaged me in about a half-hour of small talk: work, life, school, etc. Then after an uncomfortable silence, I hear:
I’ve actually called to ask you a question. And I hope you are not taken aback by this or take it the wrong way. . .
(Immediately, I knew what she was going to ask. But for drama’s sake, I’ll move the story forward.)
You know my partner and I (she is in a same-sex relationship) would like to have a family. And we love you dearly and your family dearly. We would like you to help us make that happen. We don’t want an anonymous donor, and if we were to pick someone who we think would be good father and came from a good, it would be you. You would be the dad!
The whole world descends on me. . .
Sure, when I was younger and more naive I thought about having kids – at least in some form or another. Now that I’m older and more jaded I’d completely dismissed the notion. So it’s appropriate that I should be confronted with this now, when I’m psychologically unprepared.
The pressure was compounded when I consider that they want to have a family, and I would be retarding their efforts by saying no. Even if I didn’t want to be a father, per se, what’s a little sperm to give a happy couple a family? For God’s sake, my body makes enough to go around -- what’s passing along a few complex amino acids / molecules to make someone else happy? Right?!
The more I tried to have that view, the less I bought into it. No, it’s not just like a blood or kidney donation – there are my jeans. And this child would be, in part, built from the same stuff that I am, that my parents are, that my brother is. I would be a father, I would care about this kid because of this connection. I would be curious about how the child develops, what it looks like, how it lives its life. I would love it; Not a matter to be taken lightly.
I’ve decided to talk to my parents about it. What they think is important to me.
Aside from that, I’m also not sure what type of relationship I would have with the child. These people live in Louisiana, so I’ll not be a functional part of this family. Is that too weird? Maybe. But then again, my life has been less then conventional: Why start now?
And would he or she call me dad? Would my parents now be grandparents? And would my brother now be an uncle?
Aaaargh. I don’t know. I don’t know. . . .
I’ve consulted friends and my brother. I think I’m actually going to do it. It will give this strange life of mine some sort of longer-term purpose, and I’ll be helping two responsible people who deeply love each other have the family they want. Whatever role I may have in this child’s life, I’ve helped to bring another life into the world. Even if I never see the child, that would bring me some sort of peace.
We’ll see, we’ll see. . .
Just asking that question seems to have temped fate.
Sunday was Father’s Day and I spent a rather painful afternoon with my aunt and grandparents. Once I was out of my family obligations, I was glad to be able to go back (alone) to my peaceful apartment.
Out of the blue I got a call from my second cousin. She initially engaged me in about a half-hour of small talk: work, life, school, etc. Then after an uncomfortable silence, I hear:
I’ve actually called to ask you a question. And I hope you are not taken aback by this or take it the wrong way. . .
(Immediately, I knew what she was going to ask. But for drama’s sake, I’ll move the story forward.)
You know my partner and I (she is in a same-sex relationship) would like to have a family. And we love you dearly and your family dearly. We would like you to help us make that happen. We don’t want an anonymous donor, and if we were to pick someone who we think would be good father and came from a good, it would be you. You would be the dad!
The whole world descends on me. . .
Sure, when I was younger and more naive I thought about having kids – at least in some form or another. Now that I’m older and more jaded I’d completely dismissed the notion. So it’s appropriate that I should be confronted with this now, when I’m psychologically unprepared.
The pressure was compounded when I consider that they want to have a family, and I would be retarding their efforts by saying no. Even if I didn’t want to be a father, per se, what’s a little sperm to give a happy couple a family? For God’s sake, my body makes enough to go around -- what’s passing along a few complex amino acids / molecules to make someone else happy? Right?!
The more I tried to have that view, the less I bought into it. No, it’s not just like a blood or kidney donation – there are my jeans. And this child would be, in part, built from the same stuff that I am, that my parents are, that my brother is. I would be a father, I would care about this kid because of this connection. I would be curious about how the child develops, what it looks like, how it lives its life. I would love it; Not a matter to be taken lightly.
I’ve decided to talk to my parents about it. What they think is important to me.
Aside from that, I’m also not sure what type of relationship I would have with the child. These people live in Louisiana, so I’ll not be a functional part of this family. Is that too weird? Maybe. But then again, my life has been less then conventional: Why start now?
And would he or she call me dad? Would my parents now be grandparents? And would my brother now be an uncle?
Aaaargh. I don’t know. I don’t know. . . .
I’ve consulted friends and my brother. I think I’m actually going to do it. It will give this strange life of mine some sort of longer-term purpose, and I’ll be helping two responsible people who deeply love each other have the family they want. Whatever role I may have in this child’s life, I’ve helped to bring another life into the world. Even if I never see the child, that would bring me some sort of peace.
We’ll see, we’ll see. . .
# posted by otas : 9:39 PM
